Holy hell, what a crazy week it's been!  I've been away from my computer and having to rely on my iPhone, which really isn't conducive to posting, so this will probably be a long one. 

So, last week, Jamie and I left early Friday morning (like...4:30am early), to drive to Dusseldorf, Germany, to catch our flight over to Croatia.  We were going for a long weekend for my birthday (I'm officially 30 now...god, I feel old), and to go hiking at Plitvice Lakes, National Park.  We got into Zadar around 10am, and immediately headed over to Plitvice Lakes for some hiking.  The national park was about 2 hours inland, so we got there around lunch...grabbed some lunch, and headed out for the trails.  Oh my god...that park is absolutely STUNNING!  Waterfalls every five feet, it felt like, and there were tons of things to see.  The pools were crystal clear...you couldn't even really tell how deep the water was because you could see the bottom, even way out in the middle of the lakes.  We probably hiked around 8 or so miles, over the span of 5-6 hours...absolutely amazing.  The weather was perfection, the sun was shining, and we had such a great time just hiking around, taking photos, and having "us" time.  After that...we headed out for some dinner on our way back to Zadar, before checking into our hotel.

 
This was one of the waterfall pools during the hike.  So gorgeous!

Our hotel was an all-inclusive resort (well...all-inclusive except for alcohol...that was extra, but ridiculously cheap).  There were several pools, it was right on the ocean, lots of hammocks and activities, and of course, tons of food.  I'd only been to an all-inclusive once before, when I was on an archaeology dig in the Dominican Republic, and I forgot how nice it was to be 100% catered to, 100% of the time.  It was like being on a cruise, minus the movement...fantastic!  Jamie and I spent Saturday and Sunday just hanging around the resort...walking around the lands, climbing rocks in the ocean, and swimming.  I had a massage that was divine, and then we'd sit around, have a few drinks, and just hang out together.  It was an absolutely awesome birthday present!  On top of that, Jamie also got me a gorgeous watch for my bday as well, so that was great, since I've been needing a watch for years.

 
The watch Jamie bought me for my birthday.
It's a Citizen Eco-Drive watch, so it's solar powered!

Sadly, we left on Monday morning, and headed to the airport, so that we could fly back to Dusseldorf, grab our car, and drive north to Hannover, Germany for the truck show I was working.  Jamie was supposed to stay with me Monday night, do some competitive intelligence work at the show on Tuesday, then drive home, but he kept being pulled into meetings with Senior Staff, so he didn't wind up leaving until early Thursday morning.  I was working the show Tuesday through Thursday...on my feet from 8am - 6pm...it was exhausting!  I finally got home late last night, and opened my work email this morning to find several hundred unread/unanswered emails.  Ugh...shoot me!

So, the past week has been a whirlwind, but I've been so lucky to have Jamie with me.  He really made my 30th birthday so special...he never fails to do little things to show me how much he loves me.  He's amazing, and I'm totally lucky!

Hope you all have had a fantastic week!  I now need to work twice as hard to lose extra pudge I gained while on vacation, but it was worth every damn bite!

XOXOXO,
K.

Bitterness is:  feeling like your head is going to explode from sinus pressure, and then dragging your sick, sorry ass over to the medicine cabinet to take some Sudafad...only to find out that there is only 1 dose left of the Sudafed, and someone took 1 of the 2 pill dosage!  WHO THE FUCK ONLY TAKES HALF A DOSE OF SUDAFED?!?!?!  If you only need half a dose, you don't need it!  That shit is worth it's weight in goddamn diamonds here!!!

I am feeling stabby.

I have been sick all day today...basically have felt like the mother of all sinus infections is falling down on me.  I've been asleep most of the day and sucking down as much water as possible, and nothing is helping.  I felt bad about sleeping all day, because Jamie leaves today for a work trip in England, and I didn't get to see him much last night because I met some friends in Amsterdam for dinner, then got home late (stupid straight train doesn't run after11pm, so you have to take a train that has 2 more connections).  

So...woke up, felt like crap, and basically tried to make myself be at least somewhat productive.  However, Jamie has been AMAZING today (not that he isn't most days, but today he really outdid himself).  Our house wasn't super in need of cleaning, but there's always something that could be done.  Jamie basically deep cleaned our ENTIRE house...even the grout on the shower!   He even scrubbed the oven!  I am so glad that he steps it up whenever I need it...he is really my "partner" in every sense of the word.  Too bad I didn't get a chance to show him how much I "appreciated" his efforts before he left...poor guy.  I'll definitely make it up to him when we gets home though!

I'm holding out until Friday...then we're off to Croatia for my 30th bday!!!  I'm so excited!  We're going to Plitvice Lakes for hiking, and hopefully some scuba diving off the coast of Zadar.  I can't wait to post about it and show our photos!

Hope you all had a great weekend!

XOXOXO,
K. 

Week 1 after starting my weight loss journey (again).

Weight:  175.6 lbs.

Pounds lost:  2.8 lbs.

Total weight lost:  2.8 lbs.

Not too bad for the first week, though some of it was water weight.  Now, time to get serious about meal planning and water intake!

I got back from my work trip to England late Thursday evening.  Jamie met me at the airport with a bouquet of flowers (gerbera daisies in all different colors) and then we had dinner and took the train home.  Unfortunately, I still had to work that night, so I didn't get to bed until around 1am.  Then, the next morning was a 5 hour teleconference planning session...oy.  Long teleconferences like that drain me. 

Today we drove around the Netherlands to the town where some of Jamie's ancestors are from.  Really small town, but super adorable...it was nice to see!  We'd never been before, but we were able to take a boat ride around the fortress (the town is an old fortress town), which was really neat.  Tomorrow we're going to Germany to show his parents around, which will be nice.  I love Germany..especially the architecture of the cathedrals.  The food's not too bad either, but I have to be careful because it's so heavy it makes my stomach hurt.

Otherwise, all is well!  Still keeping an eye out on the real estate back home, so if we find a place we love, we can buy.  Nothing has really stuck out yet, but we have time.  Still applying for jobs back home as well (for me...Jamie's is pretty much guaranteed), but nothing confirmed.  I figure, if I don't find a job, we'll just start trying for a baby right away and go from there.  I'm incredibly lucky in that I don't have to work (financially speaking), and now that I've paid nearly all my law school debt (I've paid off $110K of $121k), we don't really have to worry about debt and two incomes.  I'm very fortunate, I know this.

Nothing much else going on, honestly.  I've been so tired from my work trip in England that I've just been relaxing as best I can.  Hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

XOXOXO,
K.

Starting weight:  178.4 lbs.

Incremental goal weight:  168.4 lbs. (10 lbs. lost)

Incremental goal weight 2:  160 lbs. (17.8 lbs. lost)

Final goal weight:  150 lbs. (27.8 lbs. lost)

I had said that I didn't plan on weighing in until after I came back from my trip to England.  No matter what I eat while I'm there, I gain weight.  A lot of it is water weight, as a lot of the foods are high in sodium, so I imagine a few of those pounds will be shed immediately as I back away from massive amounts of salt.  I'm disappointed in myself, in that I'm right back to where I was when I started this weight loss journey, but I've lost the weight once, and I'll do it again.  I'm confident I can do this, but I refuse to let it take over my life.  I'll count calories, but my major focus is going to be on eating healthy, with proper portions, and getting exercise.  I'm still struggling with my legs and knees, so running is up in the air right now.  I'm really excited to move home so that I can start working out at the gym again!  I miss rowing a lot, so I'm excited to get back into that once I move home as well.

I don't really plan to post much on this, but I do want to post my weekly weigh-ins so that I have some sort of accountability.  Otherwise, if you have any questions, feel free to ask and I'll be happy to answer!

XOXOXO,
K.

Jamie's parents are in town visiting, and boy am I struggling.  I got on well with his parents when we were first engaged, but we made the mistake of moving in with them while we were building our house before we were married, and it was the biggest mistake of my life.

Jamie's dad is fantastic...super outgoing, nice to everyone, great all around.  His mother, on the other hand, makes me want to rip my hair out (and then drink myself into a stupor).  She's very critical of me...of how I clean, of how I do laundry, of how I take care of Jamie (take care of Jamie?!  He's a grown-ass man, he can take care of himself, thank you)...all that.  It's frustrating, and it makes me very defensive and snarky.  She has a real passive-aggressive streak about her, and if there is one trait that I can't handle in people, it is passive aggressiveness.  I think it's rude and it's a sign of low emotional maturity. 

So...his parents came back with him on his trip back from the States.  So they've been with us since Friday morning...not really that long!  But almost immediately I just got super tense around them.  His mom made a comment about how I didn't manage to dust off the DVD cases under the TV (the one place I forgot to dust...sue me).  This was after I had ran to the laundromat and washed all the bed linens (ALL of them), washed all the clothes and towels, and deep cleaned the apartment (except for the damn DVD cases, apparently).  I was ready to just scream...it's none of her damn business how I clean or what I do around the house!   Plus, she gets super annoyed when I make Jamie do something for himself (like if I make him get up to throw away a paper instead of doing it for him).  She started to take something from him to throw it away, and I couldn't take it anymore.  I told her to let him do it himself, and that his legs and arms aren't broken.  She was less than pleased, but I don't care.

So yeah...thankfully, I'm in England for work this week, so then I'll have a weekend left with them and then Monday/Tuesday before they leave.  It's nice to see them, and I do love them, but not when they're in my private space.  It's just too close for comfort, to be honest.

That's all for now...work has been insane, and still not word on our move home date.  We're still looking at housing options, but nothing really stands out yet.  We're keeping our eyes out for something that "needs work" but not a total gutting.  We want to make it ours without spending a full year in renovations.  I'll definitely post photos soon of some potential places, once we find some!

Hope all is well!

XOXOXO,
K.

Oh life...

Jamie is currently back in the US for a work trip.  It's twofold...meetings for the current project he's on, and then talking to people about jobs for when we go back.  I'm so proud of him...he works so hard and always feels like he's doing a terrible job, but everyone always raves about what an amazing employee/leader he is.  He's been exploring opportunities, but he basically has a choice of what job he wants.  He wants to stick with the same engineering leadership role he had this time, just on a different project.  He has all these things that he wants to do better next time, so we'll see. 

As for me, I've been asked for my resume a few times now, so I've sent it off.  Plus, one of our Senior Leadership members thinks I'd be a good fit for a role that starts in January, so we'll see.  I was worried that I'd struggle to find a job when I get home, but I actually think it's going to work out!

Which leads me to my post.  Moving home.  More importantly, having a home/house to move home to.  House hunting.  We are struggling!  Fortunately/unfortunately, the housing crash didn't hit our hometown as badly as it did a lot of others.  Property took a dip, definitely, but it wasn't too dramatic.  Due to the nature of our business, and the business being the largest employer in our town, it wasn't too bad of a fallout because our company did well throughout the crisis.  Which is good...don't get me wrong.  Unfortunately, because our company continues to grow, and hire new workers, our town isn't exactly full of empty houses on the market, just waiting to be bought up.  There are some, but not a huge amount. 

Which creates my problem.  I/we are not in love with ANYTHING that is on the market!  There are some nice ones, some ok ones, and some we could "live with"...but nothing that really stands out.  We don't really have too many things on our "must haves" list...the house must be either "green" or able to be made so (double pane windows, high levels of insulation, energy efficient appliances, etc.), we'd like to have a heavily wooded area with mature trees (for shading and because I like living around trees), preferably brick, and with an open floor plan that doesn't have a million useless rooms (such as a formal dining room, loft areas, etc.).  So yeah...we really don't have too many wants.  I'd prefer if the kitchen didn't have granite countertops because I can't justify getting rid of them if they're already in place(I think they're expensive, a waste of money, and they retain odors and stain super easily...plus the mining procedures are a drain on the environment, and the granite can't really be recycled once it's been made into a countertop), and I would prefer to install wood flooring (bamboo) if it isn't already installed.

Plus, there's the issue of good neighborhood and good schools for when we have kids.  All that combined is making it really hard to find a place that we love, or feel like we could come to love after remodeling.  We want to stay in our town and not have a commute, so looking elsewhere nearby really isn't an option.  If possible, we'd like to only have one car and just commute to work and such together (though we'll see if this ends up working out).

On top of all this, we really want to put 20% down and only have a 15 year mortgage, based off of Jamie's income alone (in case I want to SAH with our kids when we have them).  We could afford more, definitely, but we don't want to pay more (if that makes sense).  Even with the requisites on money, we're still looking in the mid $200k range, so it's not like we're trying to buy a house with a budget of $30k. 

So, I'm struggling.  The move is probably going to happen early next year  (January - March time frame), so we'll do house hunting with the company probably in November.  I know a lot could change in the housing market at any time, but based on what I'm seeing now...it's slim pickings (for what we want).  There's still the option of just buying land and building, so we've not ruled that out, but we'll see.

I'm just ready to start this new point in our lives!  I'm ready to have a house that is ours, and to be back in the US for a bit. 

XOXOXO,
K.

Today, I am making a promise to myself.  Today, no more putting it off.  No more self-sabotage.  No more, "I'll start eating healthier/working out tomorrow."  Nope.  No more.

I've basically gained back nearly all the weight I lost.  It's really embarassing for me to say that, but I need to be accountable.  I had lost 17 pounds...13 of which are back.  Unacceptable.  But...it's life, and sometimes life happens that way.

Today, I'm done beating myself up over it.  You know what?  So I gained 13 pounds...who the hell cares!  I've lost the weight once (hell, several times), and I can do it again.  Today all that changes.  I'm back to counting calories.  I went on a 2.75 mile walk this morning and it felt FANTASTIC!  I had an amazing breakfast of healthy apple cinnamon quinoa.  I have some fantastic veggies in the fridge for lunch (with some tasty hummus), and a dinner planned out already.  I'm on my second glass of water this morning, and I've already gotten in 6000 steps.  Today, it's time.

So, I'll be back to blogging a bit more about my weight, since that seems to be the best way for me to be accountable.  This will NOT turn into a weight loss blog, however, as I don't want it to consume my life (and frankly, it shouldn't).  I'll try to post about weekly weigh-ins, but that's about it.

Thanks for reading, everyone...your comments really help me out a lot and I do appreciate each and every one of you.

XOXOXO,
K.

I talked to my mom earlier today...they had to take my father to the ER last night.  Dad took the dog for a walk and was gone for a bit (which isn't worrisome by itself), but then the dog came back without my dad.  Mom saw the dog outside, but not Dad, and went to look for him.  Apparently, Dad had collapsed in the alley by our house.  He was totally fine when she got to him, he just couldn't get up on his own.  Mom wasn't able to get him up by herself, so she got our next door neighbor to help.  After that, she stuffed him in the car, and they went to the ER to get him checked out.

The ER said that Dad is super healthy (other than the prostate problems, the Parkinson's and the dementia / Alzheimer's).  His blood pressure was fine, all the blood work they ran came back normals, and all the scans they ran were good.  They think it's a medication interaction that is causing the dizziness and collapsing (this isn't the first time he's gone down), and hopefully changing the medications will help some of that.  Mom said that Dad told her his feet wouldn't work...like there was some sort of disconnect between his feet and his brain.  Plus...he's been hallucinating nearly daily for the past week. 

I really hope they get his meds sorted out and all of this comes to an end.  I just want him normal again, even though I know that might never happen.  I'm so torn on what to do...realistically I know that going home will accomplish nothing.  I can't do anything there, they don't even need me there!  It's not like Dad's in the hospital or dying, he's just dealing with some crap that will get sorted out soon.  But the other part of me wants to go home SO BADLY to see him, to see for myself that he's doing ok and that he's going to get better.  Bottom line though...I can't take a week off to go home every time he collapses...there's no way I can afford to do that with my job. 

So yeah...it's a bit shit right now.  I'm stressed out completely with my job, the move home, and now this.  I need a break, but I don't see one coming any time soon.  And I want my Dad to get better, but I know better than to pin my hopes on that.  My parents' 50th wedding anniversary is in October, and I think I'm going to fly home and surprise them for that.  I just need to hold on until then...it's less than 2 months from now.

XOXOXO,
K.